We read reports of those on the right causing dissention, dividing, being bigoted, etc.. In those spheres there is no disagreement, so it must be true. We read reports of those on the left causing dissention, dividing, being bigoted, etc.. In those spheres there is … Continue reading To my friends both right and left
I’ve seen a few of these tragedies now. They’re becoming a sad reflection on our society. What these tragedies reveal about us is sad. It’s not as dire as loss of life, but it’s sad enough we should stop and reflect.
First, evil exists. Plain and simple. We can try to hide it all we want, but it’s a reality. We don’t know when it will show itself. Each time it’s sad.
Second, the last few tragedies became political mudslinging diatribes. Doesn’t matter one’s political viewpoint. People need to be patient, listen and shut up with the politics-left or right.
Third, life does not happen on TV time. It takes time to get the facts and investigate. This doesn’t always happen as fast as we or the people doing the investigation would like. Be patient and wait for the facts. Few things in life are truly instant. For sure trying to figure out the motive for an evil act won’t become apparent immediately. Wait for the facts.
Fourth, the politicized, impatient society of ours rushes to judgement too fast (without all the facts) and then reverts to judging others for their politicized comments. This doesn’t help anyone and only adds torment to an already horrid situation. Further, it produces little learning and change. Reserve judgement for later.
Pray. Listen. Appreciate moments of heroism. Seek how you can help & bless others. Yes evil exists and when it comes out in full force it’s ugly. Let’s not add to the situation by adding to it foolishness.
One of the most wasted resources in the church is the Sunday Morning Sermon. (Did I just hear a class break?) While some of my friends might be gasping for breath, hear me out:
A good pastor wrestles with what to preach
He must meet the needs of the church, but in doing so making sure it’s God’s timing, true to the Bible and clearly communicated whether popular or not. The time invested in this is massive, days, not hours. Sometimes even weeks. Praying, reading, researching, etc all goes into this.
He digs into the text and then has to deal with his own depravity and fallenness at the same time. This is extremely hard when the sermon is about something the pastor is just starting to work through. While preparing people come to mind that the passage will address. The point isn’t to preach at those people, but feed the whole church. In speaking truth to actions, one must let the Holy Spirit be the Holy Spirit.
Then Monday hits
Being a young idealist, I disagreed with an elder pastor that said to me: “You’ll preach a sermon on Sunday and then on Monday someone will be in your office needing counseling on what you just preached on…and they weren’t there, or weren’t listening.” My first Sunday Morning Sermon (on John 4) I got the usual “nice sermon” pat. On Monday, I get the call… Sure enough, The elder pastor was right. And as years past by, he’s proven right more and more. At times, I’m the Monday guy.
So on Monday…
We need to learn to listen to our pastors. It’s really not about the them. It is about what God wants us to hear. Sometimes the pastor’s sermon is what the pastor needs to hear as much as those in the audience. None of us are perfect, but we can all do a better job listening. If the Sunday Morning Sermon ends with a “Nice job, Pastor,” then we are wasting a valuable resource God gave us. On Monday, chew on the message. Wrestle with it. Some sermons will be more profound than others, but we must not leave the sermon to just Sunday. (Some sermons we may wrestle with for a lifetime.)
It’s not about the pastor. It’s about us and God. We can all do a better job of listening and pondering what He is trying to get across.
(especial on Monday)
I carefronted two boys who were fighting. Going through the three questions of the last post, it was a clear and urgent matter to carefront them. The story turns out they were just playing like they do at home. They were not scared or rattled because they were carefronted. I avoided a mountain. Here is how it went down: O.I.C.: Observation, Interpretation, Clarification.
While I am using an example involving older children, I find the difference between adults and children is smaller than we would like to admit. I had similar conversations with adults.
Observation
Observation is stating the facts of what we saw or heard. Not what we think the facts are, but exactly the facts as we have observed. Stating what we observe is foundation for our interpretation. This is critical because we may not have all the facts, or we may be wrong in how we interpret the facts.
“Boys, I saw that you were fighting. Punching, hitting, pushing, and you looked mad at each other.”
Interpretation
Interpretation is what we believe based on the facts we observed. Even if we have all the facts, we may be wrong. It is important to differentiate the facts from what we believe. If I am sure of the situation, I only give what I believe- the negative situation. If I am not as sure or if it is not a huge deal, I give both a positive and a negative interpretation. In this step state what you believe, why you believe it, and the possible consequences of this. This is about care.
“Boys, from what I saw it leads me to believe something is wrong that caused you to fight in anger. Fighting is an wrong way to handle these issues. It is grounds for being suspended or can create a negative view of you.”
Clarification
Clarification is the side door. It starts the conversation by putting the ball in the other person’s court. It allows the person to have a voice and speak to the situation. Clarification makes it about the person and not the issue. It seeks to understand and help, not point out and accuse. Clarification starts with a question followed by careful listening followed by a conversation. The key to clarification is to listening, not proving your point.
“Boys, could you clarify this, please?”
“We fight like this at home.”
“Yeah, we always play rough. We weren’t fighting, we were just playing.”
“Seriously? You were just playing?”
“Yes, sir,” they replied.
“Could you explain to me how this is playing and not fighting?”
“We were playing army.”
“Do you see how I and others believed you were fighting?”vI asked with arms folded.
“Uh-huh.”
“What should or could you do differently next time.”
“Not punch each other….” (Their feedback was much longer.)
“Alright. I get boys often like to play rough, but you need to be wise in how you play. You demonstrated poor discernment here. I’ll need to talk with you parents to verify this. You’re not in trouble… What have you learned?”
“We need to be aware of others around us…”
“You’re smart boys. I’m glad you’re here. Let’s get back outside.”
I talked with both the parents and the story checked out. They liked to play rough, the parents were also working on what was appropriate with them and were thankful for how the situation was handled.
Bottom line:
Even with relying on God, being completely solid in the importance of the issue and I was correct in my view of it, I was wrong. Carefronting strengthened the relationship and all parties involved grew as a result. Carefronting dealt with the issue clearly and upfront, but in a way that put the relationship first. Carefronting is about reconciliation not justice. O.I.C. is a way to carefront that uses the side door.
T.Woznek 