The controversy over Harrison Butker’s commencement comments is not surprising. The battle lines are not surprising. So why weigh in? Because we hate kids, and that is wrong, destructive, and grievous. It’s not about feminism, the issue is we hate kids. That’s why we have the dividing lines.

We hate kids

Feminism treats kids as less. They are an inconvenience to the mother’s career or life path. Hence abortion is viewed as a women’s right issue not as a human rights (the fetus) issue. We even now call women who want to have kids breeders because we view them as optional not as a necessity. While a woman choosing to be a mom and homemaker is ok, it’s viewed as lesser than, not equal to a feminist ideal.

It is wrong

Hating kids is wrong because it makes life about us. Life is a stewardship. Going back 12 generations it takes about 2,000 people for you to exist. Who are we to end that. Life is precious and to hate kids is to disdain life itself. One may say “but I don’t hate kids, it’s just not for me.” Automatically you are loving kids less viewing them as less human. Continuing life is biologically necessary. We view kids as a drag not as a blessing.

It is destructive

Hating kids is destructive because we see them as exploiting our time, resources, and planet. of course kids take! Anything we build takes. But is what we are building going to last? Is it worth it? More importantly, will what we build even care about us when we pass on? Selfishness is the most hollow existence a human can have. This is why it is so profound that Jesus uses children to teach humility. In ages past it would be inconceivable to have to be pro life. Why would any mother want to write off their kid?! We moved culturally from kids as pets (optional), to kids as disease (not wanted). If hollows out humanity, and it crushes kids on an emotional, spiritual, and mental level.

It is grievous

Hating kids is grievous because it saws off the branch we are ALL sitting on. Who will bury us? Who will care for us? But even this we push off to others as we distract ourselves from death. We criticize the past, especially through critical theory, rather than having a disposition of gratitude. A little over a hundred years ago mere survival was the win. Part of that survival was so YOU could exist! Our culture’s hatred of kids is the embodiment of a selfish spirit so devoid of humanity that it has to be demonic.

What’s with the we?!

We are a divided culture that wants the other side to lose more than what is best for all. We argue feminism vs classical understanding of humanity. But in both we lose the value and dignity of childhood. We think and live as if life is about us, but it simply isn’t. Not about us or our happiness. Life is a stewardship, an insanely good gift. This amongst a harshness we must face as we grow, live, suffer, and then die. Contentment flows from understanding why we are here and what we are about. Peace comes from knowing we stewarded our gift of life well. And the one voice that helps us embrace that reality is the one voice we separate and push away so often: kids. We do this often in church. We seldom engage or are aware of what goes on in education. We hire out so I can do whatever. We celebrate when kids go back to school rather than mourn because the blessed symphony of their noise is absent during the day.

Kids pastor is not a real pastor

In seminary I was often made fun of or questioned with disdain because I was training to be a kids pastor. “Why not become a real pastor?” Kids ministry was and still is viewed as babysitting, not discipleship. Their energy and playfulness is a thing to be tamed, it a treasure to be cherished. Their intellect of simplicity not a deep well of wanting to know the God who made them. Even George Barna received significant pushback when he did a study on children’s ministry. Pastors wanted his findings placed in a way they could skip because it was not worthy of their time. Even in church culture we hate kids. Moms would often give me pushback for kids in service because “it’s their break.” Others because “they’re distracting and loud.”

The real issue

The real issue is we hate kids. There, I said it. It has nothing to do with left or right. We hate kids and so we make life about ourselves. And then we wonder why we are so miserable and so polarized. Because the glue that held us together was the gift of life that God would hopefully bless our marriages with, that we mourned with when the blessing didn’t come, and that we were willing to die for to protect.

There was a time kids were our most precious possession. I hope we repent of our hatred of kids and get back to that. The fight is not about what an NFL player said. The fight is we don’t want to love kids. For if we do, life is no longer about us.