There is a list concerning church trauma I am often asked about. Is it true, how should I respond, etc.? The list is antagonistic towards churches in a way that is both unhelpful and hypocritical. Rather than take on the list as a whole, I will be giving a response to each section. The biggest contention I have with the list is not that trauma doesn’t exist, but that the list is often a straw man argument or cover for one’s immaturity. Church is messy and a reflection of all the people in it. The format will be rating, the list in question, and my response.

The synopsis: Go and sin no more

Guilt is a lousy long term motivator. This is why the Bible, even Old Testament, focuses on love. Jesus put an expiration date on guilt, fear and shame at the cross and resurrection. Granted, the word hyper is the operative word in the list. But when the Bible is opened it will reveal sin. This is once again holding God to a different standard. EVERY relationship is hindered by doing things that upset the relationship. If we abuse God, how can that not hinder the relationship? The problem with much of these lists is we are setting up another standard for God than one we are willing to live by. That is hypocrisy. The biggest problem with is deconstructionism is giving a pass to abuse God, control God, and or make God into what we want Him to be, rather than who He is. Sin is a reality, as is the Gospel, and through the power of repentance we can “go and sin no more.”

The List: Sin Watching

• Told your sin was hindering you from experiencing God
• Told it created a stronghold for the devil/demons to enter into you life
• Felt guilt, fear, shame, or self-hatred for sin because church hyper focused on it

The Response: Be authentic 

In dealing with criticism we should assume there is something to learn, to listen to one’s pain, and to engage. I choose to pushback hard on this list because the perspective is painting churches with a broad brush rather than facilitating church health. The tone creates a different response. When authenticity is of high value, it is odd when God is treated in a way that is inauthentic and often hypocritical.

In helping people grow closer to God a key aspect to develop is this: Whatever it takes for a human relationship to thrive is what it takes with God. God, like any other person, has boundaries, likes, dislikes, etc. When a person crosses a boundary, aka sins against you, that will hinder a relationship. People who come from unhealthy relationships are hyper focused on sin. We don’t use the term sin, we use the term boundaries. Again, in this area, we don’t allow God to be who we desire to be. 

One of the greatest misguided narratives is that God is mean in the Old Testament and loving in the New. He is actually consistent in both. But stepping back and treating God and Israel as a married couple, Israel is not the one being abused, taken advanced of, or wronged. God set up boundaries, and set things up for human flourishing. Israel rejected that. Honestly, so do we. We like to take advantage of God or use Him as an excuse. The better questions is “How on Earth does God put up with us when we treat Him so poorly? There is where you find love, mercy, and grace truly shining.

There are churches who over emphasize holiness and hence sin. I’ve found that churches often have a way to adjust, and over time do. I’ve serendipitously sat in sermons where the pastor confessed he missed the importance of love. I was a guest, and often I struggle with churches who are legalistic. (Contemporary churches can be legalistic too!) The Holy Spirit does a great job engaging with our sin at the right time. If we want churches to tolerate our struggles and imperfections, why can’t we accept that churches will be the same? How we treat God is often how we treat churches, and how we will treat others.

I have helped people heal from being a part of a toxic church. Spiritual abuse is a sad reality. I would argue against it being systemic. Church will be messy until Jesus’ return. If we are imperfect, then church will be imperfect. In dealing with discussion on this list, I find more and more regularly that people want love but do not want to be loving.

”Wounds from a sincere friend
    are better than many kisses from an enemy.“ Proverbs 27:6 NLT