Tag: society

The cost of losing our integrity

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Two shifts have occurred in our culture from walking away from morality and objective truth towards moral ambiguity and relativism. 1) We’ve lost our integrity. 2) We’ve insulated ourselves from accountability. In our culture’s quest to be more nuanced and evolved, we’ve created an irresponsible and uncivil environment.

Lack of integrity erodes trust
Fundamental to all scandals of late is violation of trust. People are angered by government surveillance because they’ve seen violation of trust by the IRS. We’ve seen through many institutions: churches, schools, colleges, government, families, etc. a downplay of integrity and an abuse of trust. Lack of trust builds antagonism and erodes civility as culture becomes polarized and reactionary. We are angered by such violations, but why?

Moral relativism erodes accountability
Relativism means we can’t tell someone they are wrong. This further propels us to avoid conflict. Conflict has grand potential of telling someone they’re wrong. Then, once trust is violated, we become angry. Not at what was morally wrong, but at the trust violated. Is integrity more important than trust, perhaps. What we’re seeing now that a lack of morality also equates to a lack of trust. How did this erosion gain so much momentum?

We destroyed accountability with irresponsibility
We the people. We the problem. We don’t trust government because we don’t trust one another. By not being able to declare rights in wrongs; from that avoiding conflict, and from that removing consequences as much a possible, we undermined responsibility. In the name of compassion (which is a good thing) we sacrificed responsibility. Part of this erosion is not understanding how our government and society works. This is not the fault of public education. We the people. We the problem. We created the mess that we’re in.

Yes, we’re depraved
Some in ministry circles push to downplay total depravity, often citing it’s overuse. Some outright deny the doctrine. Until we admit and see the problem, we cannot work towards a solution. While the ultimate solution is the Gospel, there is also a need for civility. God ordained government for a reason. One aspect that is profound about our government is an underlaying understanding of depravity.

The past wasn’t so bad
We view history often as inauthentic because of glaring errors or sins. We sense disillusionment. There are two problems with this. First, we’re no better and our sense of disillusionment is just another form of the judgmentalism we deride and often do. Second, in times past one’s accomplishments were viewed more highly than their faults. We see this at today’s funerals. The integrity, humility and civility of times past allowed one’s accomplishments to outshine their faults. This is a lost art today. In reading from the men of old they did not view themselves as flawless. They were keenly aware of their faults. But, unlike today, they had a framework to deal with that.

The bottom line:
A man of honor is a man of integrity. We need to get back to this basic. In thinking we are more enlightened than times past we’re so much worse than times past as well. We need to get back to declaring right and wrong, to upholding human responsibility. We need to get back to man’s word being everything. We need to get back to three pillars George Washington talked about: education, morality and religion.

Faith & Family

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DSC_0286Faith & Family is the foundation to our society and the solution for our society. Undermining these two critical areas will open wide the door to evil. In times of tragedy there is a resurgence in the valuing of faith and family, but there is seldom sustaining action to support them. This foundation needs to be reinforced.

Secularism
I believe there should be no state church. Marriage of church and state proves disastrous. For the church, this became clearly evident in the dark ages. That said, complete removal of religious influence in the public square has not helped our society. In and of itself its a promotion of a religious view. What is lost by this push is the reality of the human soul. Quickly the value of life, morality and civility fall away. Secularism created in our country a narcissistic view of a person with no moral foundation and no purpose. The push to be oneself or pursue one’s dreams leaves a gaping hole in a person’s soul.

Life
Secularism lead to a devaluing of life. While not popular to say, millions of innocent lives are ended each year. As a society we don’t mourn these losses, though we do debate to what extent such loss should be allowed. Millions of marriages, kids, ideas, art, dreams, etc are never given the light of day. A majority of these ended lives are for connivence. Single percent issues (worthy of its own debate) are being used to excuse 98% of atrocities. Either life is precious or it is not. Let us be honest, secularism lead us to value our own connivence more than life.

War on manhood
For at least two decades a war on manhood exists. While the news of late talked of a war on womanhood, I’d submit the opposite is true. We have undermined the role of men in our society and even paint being a man as problematic more than helpful. In the name of equality we undermine, subvert and destroy what is most critical, most needed and most lacking in our society: dads. Look at the crime statistics in relation to fatherless homes.

Privacy laws
Privacy undermines prudence which undermines parenting. It is increasingly difficult for parents to get information about their children, and yet they’re still responsible for them. From medical issues, to even school issues, the issue of privacy as a right isn’t protecting our children. It isn’t protecting marriages either. When we cannot make the wise choice because of privacy law, there is a problem. Further, such undermines the trust that is essential for healthy relationships and healthy families.

Faith
People are seeking their purpose in life. Post-modernism, which I submit is beginning to decline, left society with no bearings. The fruit of both secularism and post-modernism left us bankrupt. We think we’ve evolved given the easy access to technology, yet we’re backwards in our ability to relate to one another. Faith is the glue that holds a society together for faith speaks to the soul and to the conscience. This is something that government and education cannot do. It is also why marriage of church and state should be prevented, but not to the exclusion of religions from the public square. We must deal with our soul.

Family
We need a resurgence in fatherhood. This includes healthy marriages. Most people don’t learn well stressed. Given the raging sea that is many families, is it a wonder we have an education problem? Dad’s provide the bearings and the foundation needed for success. Are there exceptions to this? Yes. But the exception is not the rule. Again, just look at crime statistics in relation to fatherless homes. I’d submit if there was a resurgence of healthy marriages and dads society will greatly change.

A solution
The foundation of faith and family is the solution to our society. This is hard for society to take for this solution requires submission, servanthood, love, endurance, wisdom, responsibility, and moral absolutes. This solution is hard because it requires work, it is messy, and it isn’t easy. It means a debate between what our laws state and what is truly beneficial & prudent for families. It means sacrificing our connivence at the altar of peace. The irony is it’s what we really want but we don’t want what comes with this solution. Faith and family have nothing to do with guns, yet it’s the crux of why we’re seeing the rise of evil in our country.

We have a dad problem, not a debt problem

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“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” ~Apostle Paul

Our society has a dad problem. Not a debt problem. Not a… name the issue… problem. We have a dad problem. If you look at crime statistics, school statistics, you name it, you’ll likely be able to trace it to a dad issue.

Why a dad not a man problem?
I think THE crucial aim of a dad is to develop his boy into a man, and to model for his daughter what a great man is. This involves being a man himself. This involves character. This involves being a romancer of his wife. This even involves showing how to get back up from failure. If I had to target one area to win the war on manhood, I’d start with dads.

Father doesn’t mean dad
The ability to cause a life to happen doesn’t make you a dad. Let’s define what a dad is: A dad is a responsible man who defends, disciplines, develops and loves on people. I say people because you can’t be one person at work and another at home. Consistency matters if we’re to develop our kids to be solid adults. Kids pick up on hypocrisy quickly.

The war on manhood
Our society lost what it means to become a man. This came from three things: 1) A consequence of an egalitarian view of the family instead of a complementarian view. 2) Men have abdicated their responsibility of being a man. 3) It takes good dads to to have good dads. Dad’s are the key to turning this around.

The example
If we want a model of what it means to be a man, Jesus is the best place to start. 1) Jesus stayed on mission. He pointed people to God. That’s how He rolled. 2) Jesus patiently pushed, taught and comfortable people. The disciples were a crazy bunch of dudes who often lacked faith and were about themselves. After Jesus rose from the dead, the 12 men acted as selfless servants. 3) Jesus defended people. Jesus sacrificially defended people. A man’s job is to take the hits for others.

The bottom line
Want to solve our debt problem, crime problem, poor problem, etc? Open the door to develop solid dads. Character, principle, compassion, romance, creativity, productivity and joy starts with dad.. For my Christian friends, great dads is the start to great theology.

PS… Thanks, Dad!

On current economic issues…

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A Facebook friend posted this quote:

“There is no means of avoiding the final collapse of a boom brought about by credit expansion. The alternative is only whether the crisis should come about sooner as the result of a voluntary abandonment of further credit expansion, or later as a final catastrophe of the currency system involved.”
~Ludwig Von Mises (1881-1973)

Are we asking the right questions?

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This TED talk raises some interesting questions to think through. A mentor of mine said: “If you ask the wrong questions you’re likely to come to the wrong conclusions.” Agree or disagree, the video gives us some things to thing through. A big one is: Are we counting the right things?

Civil Discourse, Conflict and Social Media

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Civil discourse does not mean the lack of confrontation, and social media brings a new avenue it. Quite a few social media stints caught my attention. The most recent was discussion about a book coming out by Pastor Rob Bell. He is not the point of this post, but the discussion did instigate this post.

Social media is public discourse
While some may disagree with this, it is true: Social media is a public face. One reality we are facing is many people do not know how to engage well in public discourse. The quip “Politics will be getting very interesting in the next 20 years because of social media” carries my point well. A good rule of thumb on social media is this: What do I want my public face to look like?

Conflict can bring clarity or collision
You cannot avoid conflict, and that is true within social media as well. Disagreements exist and there are times when public disagreement is proper and times when such is not. At the founding of our country there was vehement debate on our constitution. The book “The Federalist Papers” resulted from the collections of articles from the debate. It is wise to engage in conflict with the goal of clarity. Such is prudent, helpful and benefits all. Engaging in conflict to win or gain one’s own rights is often foolish and brings collision.

Civil discourse can be spirited
Civil discourse focuses on courtesy and politeness regardless of emotion. Civil discourse does not mean one is dull or trite. One can be quite spirited in their discourse and be polite as well. Third person is often used to support objectivity. It lacks poignancy or cheer of first or second person and is quite dry. Given our culture’s tendency towards rash speech, a little dryness may be in order, or we can chose to be polite in our discussions. Be polite. Be gracious. If you cannot, do not engage in public discourse.

The social media variable
The variable that social media brings to civil discourse, especially on conflict, is speed. This is known as trending or going viral. The problem with going viral is people often do not ‘listen’(read) and speak past each other. Discussion quickly turns to raw emotion and a mess ensues. Regarding discourse, often in the form of reposting articles, keep this in mind:

A posted article or a retweet without comment can mean many things from agreement to disagreement, from seriously!? to interesting. A reposting of something with comment also means many things from gained context, topic, or one’s view. If an article goes viral it doesn’t mean people agree with that post. Sometimes it can mean shock, anger, humor, etc. When something goes viral its best to listen more carefully and exercise far more discernment.

Christianity and social media
We should not be afraid of disagreement or conflict. Christianity is damaged more by trying to look and be perfect than being real. Silliness in public discourse comes when civility is dropped. We are family and we will disagree. Part of disagreement is resolution. In the meantime there may be fear as how the conflict will end is unknown. Such fear should not cause us to avoid conflict, even if it goes public. It is part of being authentic.

Remember that the heroes in the Bible were not perfect and their flaws are quite public. We preach about them, discuss them and even debate them. Our lives, just as those in Scripture, are open books. Social media makes this a greater reality. But, acting like there is nothing wrong is just another form of hypocrisy. Grace, wisdom and discernment should govern our public discourse. At the same time we shouldn’t be afraid when our debates become public. It’s part of ‘iron sharpening iron.’ The Gospel moved forward despite the very public mistakes of our heroes in the faith.

The bottom line:
Be civil in public discourse, especially in times of conflict. Remember that social media moves rapidly. In all things we should exercise grace, wisdom and discernment. If you cannot do that, say nothing ‘for even a fool is considered wise when he is silent.’

For Christians, do not be afraid when conflict goes public. The growth and promotion of the Gospel rests in God. We will make mistakes, but those mistakes are covered by the cross. Remember, the same man who shamed the cause of Christ also became the focus of a beautiful story of reconciliation, he gave the first sermon of the Church, was publicly rebuked, and died a hero. His name is Peter.

Manic Monday: Death by adjectival hyperbole

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Whispers are heard loudest in a world of shouting. In reflecting on how we speak, I noticed, for whatever reason, our over use of adjectives and hyperbole. In a world of increasing virtual experience, reality needs to get back in vogue. A good number of us, me included are guilty of death by adjectival hyperbole.

Let it be what it is
The best descriptions are honest and clear ones. Describe something for what it is. Conferences often use death by adjectival hyperbole. The nature of selling things is to describe it well. In such, we do things by ascribing radiant, epic, great and awesome adjectives on what may be just normal. There are times when grand adjectives are proper, and hyperbole prudent. All the time or nearly every time is not such a time. Describe things as they are.

Let history be the judge
Death by adjectival hyperbole is a vain attempt to preëmpt history. At a men’s conference I attended the MC stated: “We’re about to continue with some great and wonderful music…” It wasn’t. A few years later I attended a back woods church hymn sing. The musical quality of the group was lacking. However, it was the most profound worship experience I had. People who had little to nothing, no musical talent gathered to worship their most precious relationship, God. History judges by the substance of things.

Lets be who we are
Let your greatest adjective be you. In history, seldom is greatness manufactured or sought. Gettysburg was epic and a mistake. The Boeing 747 was a result of past failure and basically a hail Mary for the company. The Battle of Bastogne was epic, where men did their job despite being overwhelmed and under supplied. Flight 93 was epic. Grandiose adjectives are best used for grandiose events. The substance and character of a person is found, forged and displayed in adversity. An unknown person or event often influences people to do what is epic. Focus on developing who you are and being a blessing to those around you. This is how great epics form.

Musical interlude, an analogy
We live in a world of ‘shouting.’ Alan Bloom in “Closing of the American Mind,” discusses his issues with rock music. Historically, great victories and religious celebrations were the place for the style and energy of rock music. In essence he thought younger generations were celebrating when there is no victory or substance to celebrate. He was not arguing against rock music, rather demonstrating what he viewed as its proper place. Like Ecclesiastes states, there is a time and place for everything.

The bottom line:
Whispers are heard loudest in a world of shouting. When everyone shouts the virtue of shouting is ignored. Our culture is increasingly asking and trying to discern what is real. The buzz words of genuine or authenticity show this point as well. Shouting is a metaphor for death by adjectival hyperbole. We can be colorful and enticing while still being accurate.

Perhaps now more than any other there is a need for more precise speech. Given our capacity for creativity, we can be precise without being droll, boring or bland. In working on developing who we are perhaps God, in his timing, will allow us to form something Epic.

(especially on Monday)

Civility, Civility, where art thou?

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Last Thursday I wrote about my desire for my boys to live in a world of civility. The thought process started when Gavin said thank you to me after giving him a simple treat. I treasured the event. Given the grievous incident in Arizona, my wish for my boys grew even stronger.

Two wrongs don’t make a right
The Bible puts it this way: “A soft word takes away wrath.” I have no wish to take political sides on this blog. Even in irate anger, one can show the civility one so much desires. The political vitriol displayed lately is alarming. It is akin to fighting a fire with gasoline.

Evil and responsibility exist
There is evil and brokenness in life. Even with this, people are responsible for their own actions. Evil or brokenness is the root cause of tragedies such as happened in Arizona. Civility, compassion and graciousness are the greatest weapons against evil and brokenness. It’s what Jesus did.

Two prescriptions of civility:
1) Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger… Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. ~ Ephesians 4:26,29

2) This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. ~ James 1:19-20

The bottom line
We are responsible for our own actions. Anger is not wrong, but we must be prudent and thoughtful in how we exercise and work through our anger. For sure, in public discourse great restraint and gracious must be demonstrated. Truth can be declared without being inflammatory. Restraint isn’t a lack of authenticity or genuineness. Restraint  is an exercise of wisdom and humility. Our culture could use a large dose of both. These are skills I want my boys to have in abundance.

A return to civility

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I wish my sons to be gentlemen. Siting in a chair, a warm fire glowing and two boys playing in matching pajamas gives is a moment you treasure it in your heart. I handed a treat to my youngest. He looked up with a bright smile and said: “Thank you, daddy.”  I hope both my boys grow up to be themselves while also exhibiting grace, class and politeness.

Civility defined
Oxford American Dictionary defines civility as: formal politeness and courtesy in behavior and speech.

Nobility of the past
Too often we view the ignoble aspect of person, time or movement to discredit what was noble. Missing an ideal doesn’t lessen its nobility. Should the Wright brothers have not flown at Kitty Hawk when those before them failed? Discourse and conduct did have a higher air of civility in times past, though I’m sure the past wasn’t perfect.

Acting with grace
Civility develops a focus on others. I remember in high school this kind of conversation: The girl said “You opened that for me just because I’m a woman, didn’t you?” to which the man replied, “No, I opened it because I’m a gentleman.” Civility isn’t sexism one way or the other. It is the polite thing to do. Allowing someone to do something you can clearly do yourself isn’t a violation of equality. It is an act of graciousness and a demonstration of deference. Imagine holiday shopping with this attitude.

Civility speaks
Formality is a language. As society let go of formality it also let go of a language that prevents potential misunderstanding and clear acts of acknowledgment. Another loss is an understanding between public and private behavior. Manners, etiquette and politeness are a key aspects to equality. It is a language of interaction, understanding and wisdom. A return to formality would greatly benefit romance, political discourse, and everyday life. Formality can disagree without destroying a person. It can romance to a greater depth. The language of formality understands that we are not islands unto ourselves. We live among others.

Formal as stodgy, informal as rude
Both formal and informal behavior contain drawbacks. Formality can be oppressive. It need not negate self-expression.  While Formality is often labeled stodgy and informality rude; can we move beyond that? Perhaps the one who speaks quietly is heard the loudest, and within formal discourse one’s self-expression is most appreciated. Put another way: in reestablishing formality, let us not lose the zest of life.

The bottom line:
I hope my boys grow up to be classy and civil while not losing their zest for life or animated personalities. In disagreement may they still be considered gracious, in opposition still known as noble. I hope my boys show charm both publicly and in private. I hope those close to my boys would see my them as treating everyone with respect. I hope they can be true to themselves in both civil and private discourse for in so doing they’ll demonstrate dignity and wisdom.

Simple. Community. Authentic. Fad or rediscovery?

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I think we over-programmed ourselves. People often do not know how to ‘just be.’ We fight it. Busyness is the vaccine against relational intimacy. We are very busy people, creating very shallow relationships. I wonder if the Simple. Community. Authentic. trend is a discovery of something lost, not something new?

Simple.
In simple we over program. There are many Christians that are so busy doing good things that their faith is extremely shallow. In zealousness we forget that life is more than just activity. Some churches program their way out of the missions context God placed them in. We are the analogy of a chick-flic where the girl gets the guy and then…role the credits. (Ever wonder what happens next?)

Willow Creek discovered this. They were doing many incredible things, but they were not making disciples as they should. The leadership realized they needed a radical re-working of how they do things to focus on producing disciples. The book Simple Church deals with the same issue among many (most?) churches.

Community.
We need commonality for community to exist. The phrase “online community” is used all the time. Let us be honest with each other: we lost what community really means. Social media strikes a chord because as humans we really do crave community. Community is diverse. I disagree with the sentiment that states people are into social media because they want fame. Honestly, that is too complex. People want identity.

If churches traded simplicity for programs, it traded community for commercialism & commodity. The danger of being over programmed is we start treating issues and people as a commodity, as customers and not as they are: People in the image of God. God is infinite, which means if the church is to glorify God (show or demonstrate accurately who He is) it takes diversity. Relationships are organic not synthetic. Ministry is farm work, not lab work; a muddy or dusty field not an assembly line.

Authentic.
We know we have opinions and we know we are not perfect. I find it hilarious how academic writing requires 3rd person (as if that magically more objective) or how we can make things a production instead of just being together and worshiping. A business workshop aptly stated: If you say you’re authentic, you better be, because everyone says it. I often heard from people that: if you have to state something, you’re likely not. If something is true, it will show itself true. Here is the key question: Why do we feel we need to say we are authentic?

My English prof described a hard conversation with her parents. She wanted to know if her parents were saved. Her mom was upset. “Couldn’t you tell by how I lived?” There are eras where how we lived that was the true judge, not what we said. “We need both,” Mrs. Williams stated. “I feel as though we lost the art of our living communicating what we believe.”

The Bottom Line:
Simple. Community. Authentic. Maybe we should take off the mask and call them for what they are: three areas where we need to repent. I hope we pursue them less as fad and more as a call to get back to what God wants us to be. I can’t help but notice what is core to each of these three things: People. Love God…Love People…Simple. Community. Authentic.