One of the most often asked questions over the last year I got was “What is it like to have your dad as a friend?”

In Short, amazing. In following Jesus for 38 years I saw the devastation of what fatherlessness brings. In counseling and discipleship situations I often see people chasing after their fathers or mourning that they couldn’t. People understand what absence looks like, so here is a glimpse of what having a dad looks like:

Confidence. Having your dad as your friend builds a confidence that you cannot get any other way. This helps you to understand how God, as our father, sustains us. The confidence doesn’t merely come from winning, but more so helping you get back on the horse when you fall down. It is a constant voice assurance that you don’t realize is there until it’s quiet.

Courage. Having dad as your friend enables you to take on tasks you wouldn’t otherwise talk yourself out of. This is not blowing sunshine up your kilt. This is knowing that even in failure learning will take place and growth will happen. Because you know the next phrase will be “get back on the horse.”

Christ. The biggest thing with Dad as my friend was our discussion of Scripture. He had the innate ability to be the spoke of the wheel that took the truth of the Gospel and applied it to the wheel of life. Dad could ask the hard questions, but also know when the hard questions need to be set aside. This builds hope. When Dad taught survival skills he stated, “you can only last seconds without hope.” This hope is what allows you to witness when battling cancer in the hospital. To be cheerful when miserable.

Cheer. Dad always had a sparkle in his eye. Took bad news as a challenge to be conquered. Took good news as a reason to celebrate. He had an inordinate amount of gratitude and a severe thirst for teachability. “A day without learning is a day waisted.” This insatiable drive to grow in knowledge, understanding, and application resulted in a hilarious sense of humor. Learning is about being curious and enjoying the life you have. Even in dark days.

Class. Developing good taste is a key part to being a great dad. This helps with understanding the value of things, the essentialness of hard work, and the importance of friendship. Class teaches you how to let love and grace conceal a matter. How to allow one who has wronged you to still save face. It also teaches how to humbling stand tall in the midst of strife. The power of silence, but also when to speak boldly. Class is being a man of valor.

Care. Having dad as your friend means the best hugs in the world and knowing you are always loved. Only my wife and kids can beat them. It is the best way to help understand when the Bible records God saying “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”