Tag Archives: children

Book Review: Dream House by Barry Bandara

“In many ways, our families are in a battle- a battle of priorities. If we don’t take the time to account for all the movement of our family now and then, we can easily become overwhelmed with all that we have to do.” p. 70

Pastor Barry Bandara gives us an excellent blueprint for developing our own “Dream House.” The book is humorous, insightful and usable. Often books on parenting place a massive guilt burden on parents. Make no mistake about it, there are times when you will say ouch. Overwhelming, you’ll walk away saying “I can do this!” We need more resources that are refreshingly humorous while also giving clearly communicated wisdom.

Overview
Taking from the three best sources possible: God’s Word, wisdom from others and his own failures & success, Barry takes us through the various “rooms” of our dream house and how it relates to family. Along with each chapter and at the end, Barry also shares resources he and his wife found helpful. The metaphor and the warmth of his writing keep the principles understandable and approachable. (Some books I’ve read you almost need a PhD to understand them!)

The big win
Dream House is written by a man who practices what he preaches. I’ve had the privilege to serve with Pastor Barry and to see him as a father. He practices what he preaches. I’m a better husband and father because of his ministry. Often with family resources we ask: will this work? The answer is yes.

The book
What is helpful is the book gives us principles and not programs to add in our homes. Dream House gives you what needs to be done, how it can be done, as well as other resources to do it. This leaves the book highly adaptable for different family contexts. The questions at the end of each chapter are also helpful to figure out how to apply what was said in your own family.

Marriage counseling
Pastor Barry presents a 10 year rule in his book. The idea is to think 10 years down the road. If your child is 2 how do I want them to act when they are 12, and so on. Dream House is a book I’d highly recommend for marriage counseling. It gives a blue print of raising a healthy family and many of the needed principles need to start before kids. You may think “we’re just getting married,” but kids are not that far off.

The bottom line:
Dream House is an excellent resource on leading your family well. It’s written with a warmth and practicality often lacking. I’m looking forward to using Dream House in my own ministry and my own family.


Why not Wednesday? Own depravity

We try to push the idea human depravity away. We hide it, talk it away, claim that it’s a negative outlook, etc. The last we want to do is own it. Some overplay the depravity hand claiming because we are depraved we are therefore worthless. This too doesn’t own depravity. We need to own it.

Conflict resolution
This idea did not go over well as I was training camp counselors in conflict resolution.

“People are naturally good, not depraved,” said a counselor.
“People who say people are naturally good have never worked with children,” I replied.

The group wasn’t buying it. To move forward and be optimistic you first need to understand and see reality. Understand the reality of things and you can move things towards the best. They still didn’t buy in. I told them to give it a week… it only took a couple of hours.

“Trouble makers”
A church that had a large group of unchurched kids asked my advice on dealing with them. Apparently my answer did not have an appreciation for the situation. The rebuttal given was “but they don’t behave!” Aha, there is the problem. My advice was you need to love them first. We polarize discipline and love- they are truly one. If we love we deal with the reality of the situation and work towards the best. Love includes discipline, it’s not exclusive. Good behavior doesn’t come first and then we love. Despite our depravity, Christ acted on our behalf! Jesus loved, saved and then begins to perfect us.

Easier said then done
My kids pour on the love talk when they are in trouble. It KILLS me. They’re cute. They’re adorable, and I LOATH to see them hurt or cry. I knew this moment would come. I knew it would be hard. But love does what is best for the person. It doesn’t act with a cold heart, but it does compassionately deal with reality. This too is the Gospel. As God saves us He also lovingly shapes us. As hard as it is to discipline my boyz, hugging them afterward and showing forgiveness is a powerful moment. It communicates that even when they mess up, they’re still loved.

The bottom line:
We must own depravity. It means doing something that is counter-culture these days: taking responsibility. Bringing it back to the Cross, God knew we could not be perfect. That is why He gave us Christ. Owning our depravity isn’t seeing everyone as evil and worthless- it’s seeing people as being imperfect and need of redemption. Yes we are depraved, but that doesn’t have to be the end of the story. Yes people are depraved, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t love them and get involved in people’s lives. That is precisely what Jesus did, and one day we’ll be made perfect because of it.


Linx & Stuff

The Bible says to rejoice with those who rejoice. A good friend of mine, Brian C. Jacobs, is getting to enjoy a dream of his. He recently published his first book: The Enigma Squad: The Case of the Old Man in the Mailbox. Brian dreams for this to be the first in an adventure series called The Enigma Squad.

Reading is important for children. It builds thought, imagination and learning. The Enigma Squad I hope builds and grows an audience. I’ve worked with Brian on a few creative projects. Brian excels at creativity and story telling.

To my friend, Brian: Congratulations & Dream big! As my boys grow older, I hope to one day by a box set of Enigma Squad books for my boys.

If you appreciate reading and know kids who enjoy adventure, check out the links below. What a better way to enjoy Christmas than to sit by the fire and read to your children.

http://enigmasquad.com/

http://www.amazon.com/Enigma-Squad-Case-Old-Mailbox/dp/0984165886/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1292005929&sr=1-1

http://www.facebook.com/enigmasquad

http://twitter.com/#!/BrianCJacobs


Manic Mondays: What to get dad?

There is nothing greater than watching my boys discover the world they’re in. Or trying to figure out what they are thinking. This weekend I finally was able to figure out what Gabbers was thinking. After all, it’s the thought that counts!

(especially on mondays)

What to get Dad?

Perfect!


Why Kids Ministry: Part 2 (And most vital)

The wonder of children

What’s that, Daddy?
~ Jadon

How often have you heard someone wish to be a kid again? Kids are the gateway to being a kid again. They are live novels in process. We get to be an editor, a writer, and a reader.  There is an infectious nature of kids ministry that the church needs, fresh eyes! The wonder of life is new to children. With the loss of newness we often lose the wonder. Serving kids brings back wonder.

What?
What is the question of discovery. It tries to figure out the uniqueness of an object.  Curious adventures of children take on names. Names answer what. It is more than a name. Kids delight as they can now say what so captivates their attention. Take sky, for example. It is the name of a massive canvas of wonder and adventure, from color, to birds, to planes, to cotton balls suspended in bliss, to the falling of snow on your tongue. Just because we know the name doesn’t mean we should stop asking what.

Why?
If a name were not enough, children remind us of the importance of philosophy, history and theology. They do not use such grandiose words, but those are the fields of study for a child. Simplicity is not the removal of complexity, just try to answer a child’s question of why. Why, a most simple question leading to the most intriguing conversations, amusing anecdotes, and cunning epiphanies. Answering why drives us to the most important aspect of learning, the inevitable ‘I don’t know.’ Just because we’re busy and grown up doesn’t mean we should stop asking why.

Jump up!
You know you want to! Now you’re feeling self-conscious, it’ll pass. Children don’t read into things too much. Yes, this is a result of being naïve, but not always. Children love delight, they love fun. The curse of sin made life hard. Children remind us of what life is to be and one day will be for sure: delightful, fun, engaging. So, jump up! Children do not take themselves seriously because play is serious work. Play is exploring possibilities, seeing what can be done, and just having fun. Play is not entertainment, that gets boring. Just because we’re self conscious and mature doesn’t mean we should stop jumping. (On a bed or couch is most fun!)

Hugs…
Kids understand what is most important. They understand that people matter most. Just because we’re adults with various responsibilities doesn’t mean we should stop looking for ways to bless others.

The bottom line:
Why kids ministry? Because we are forgetful. The crime of lacking a vibrant kids ministry isn’t the loss of a new generation. The crime is we have lost our own. Ask what. Ask why. Jump. Hug. And, if you forgot how, then ask a kid because that is what they do best. It is how kids disciple you and I. We cannot afford losing the wonder of life and the God who made it.


Why Kids Ministry: Part 1

The Value of Children

A Child is a person who is going to carry on what you have started. They are going to sit where you are sitting and when you are gone, attend to those things which you think are important. You may adopt all the policies you please; but how they are carried out depends on them. They will assume control of your cities, states and nations. They are going to move in and take over your churches, schools, universities and corporations. All your books are going to be judged, praised or condemned by them. The fate of humanity is in their hands.
~Abraham Lincoln

I highly doubt a church will come right out and claim that children are not important to God. The adage is true, however, actions speak louder than words. It alarms me that only one out of four churches lists reaching children as a priority. The church, like the society it dwells in, does not value children. Note Barna’s transformation in his chapter entitles I mist the Ocean:

Yet somehow the wisdom and necessity of seeing children as the primary focus of ministry never occurred to me. In that regard, perhaps I’ve simply been a product of my environment. Like most adults, I have been aware of children, fond of them and willing to invest some resources in them; but I have not really been fully devoted to their development. In my mind, they were people en route to significance—i.e., adulthood—but were not yet deserving of the choice resources.

An audiotape of Barna’s workshop describes the reality of this problem. Barna was surprised at how many pastors called and asked if the workshop on children could be moved to a more “skippable” spot because their time was so valuable. Barna purposely placed the session on children in an inconvenient place for people to skip it, thus it confirming his findings.

The problem  will continue to grow
Given advances in medicine and the standard of living, the adult population is continuing to grow. 1993 marked the first year where there were more senior citizens than teens. This trend can be partially attributed to the millions of humans who have been aborted. As the adult population grows, the propensity to gear church ministries primarily to adults will grow. What can children contribute to church finances or church growth? The results of this attitude leave children largely on their own. The mere lack of role models for children points to this issue. Marva Dawn’s states:

What makes the battle so intense in the present world is that so much of life is becoming ambiguous, chaotic, fearsome, unmoored. Consequently, people cling more desperately to whatever idolatries seem to them capable of freeing them from pain, confusion, weariness, or meaninglessness. The powers function to twist such things as efficiency, money, or fame into the gods of our lives, and thus God’s designs for good are distorted, corrupted, and deflected into contrary purposes. Our neighbors in the world (and we, in spite of knowing better) wind up with the ultimate concerns that are trite, violent, enslaving or flimsy. These goals will never ultimately satisfy or repress our deepest longing; they will never alleviate our aching bone-weariness, satiate our galling thirst, or pierce our bitter darkness.

A generation that did not know
What happens when a society does not reach its young ones is disaster. Judges 2:10 states that “another generation rose up who did not know the LORD or the works He had done for Israel.” This is a very easy thing to do if one does not know God nor the things that He has done. With biblical literacy low, many 20-year-olds leaving the church, and church statistics are as dismal as the world. It is becoming safer to say that a new generation grew up that did not know God nor the things of God.

The bottom line
To have a lasting impact on the world one must reach people when they are young, when they are children. Jesus’ words carry more urgency today than ever. Not showing children the way to Christ is another way of hindering them. Mediocrity in the pew comes from lack of diligence in to the cradle. If the “kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these,” the church needs to give serious attention to reaching and equipping the emerging generation.  Millenials search for spirituality and significance may be grasping for the God they know to be there whom they were not clearly told about.


Why not Wednesday: Be a kid!

“Whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.” ~Jesus

We often hear the line “child-like faith.” Jesus uses children to teach about humility and faith. Other than the disciples, children are the only group Jesus blesses in his earthly ministry. Leaders in children’s ministry love this verse. (We love other verses too!) In watching my two boyz grow, I’m learning more and more that child-like faith is not about simple trust or joyous abandon. I’m also thinking that children as a model of humility is less about their status. Here is what my boyz are teaching me about child-like faith.

“Amazing!”
My oldest son when I brought (OK, dragged) our first real Christmas tree into the house, stood in complete amazement. The word he used: Amazing! My youngest started kicking and flailing his arms as mom held him in a way he could see the tree. It was big, it was huge. And, after all dad’s kicking, screaming and complaining about a dumb ol’ tree in our house, two boyz changed my heart (my wife gave me the “see I told you so” look). The little and big things are equally amazing to kids. Jadon had the same reaction to the ice machine, the moon, ice cream, toy trains, the list goes on. Kids get amazement. They get wonder. But, its more than just the newness my boyz eagerly seek amazement. Its wired into their DNA. The quest for amazement is a skill we lose or forget.

“Daddy! Daddy!”
Daddy! Daddy! Means the same thing as Jesus saying “Truly truly, I say unto you!” Its not enough for a kid to be amazed. When amazed, we HAVE to share about it. Whether its demonstrating a newly conquered skill, or some simple thing they discovered, kids talk about it. They have to. Discovery is the root of their joy. What is learned and enjoyed must be shared- except with a brother or another child. We’ll talk about depravity at another time. Kids talk. They share what is most valuable- their hopes, dreams, and mostly the little things of life. Its wired into their DNA. The desire to share is a skill we lose or forget.

MA-MAAAAA!!!
When it comes to being hurt, dad is second fiddle to mom. Kids get the ministry of presence. But, my boyz get mad if I’m not around, even though its mama they want to play with or hold them. Jadon grabbed my hand once, sat me down on the couch and then took my wife’s and took her to the choo-choo’s. When I got up to go to the kitchen, play stopped and Jadon looked at me. He did not resume until dad was back in the picture. Kids get that people are the most important thing. People are more important than the task or what is being done. And whether it’s being held, or just being near, kids thrive on presence. Its wired into their DNA. The importance of people is a value we lose or forget.

CHOO-CHOO’S! Train. Train. Trains!?

Kids are devoted. When they like something, they want more. And more. And more. You get the picture. But, they don’t just want it- they CRAVE it! Jadon cannot get enough trains. Gavin cannot get enough doors for him to open. They must have more. They celebrate what they love. They ask for what they love and they go crazy when they get it. What they love is bigger than life. You do not have to convince them they know it. Its wired into their DNA. Devotion is a value we lose or forget.

Child-like faith is being amazed at, sharing, being there for, and being fully devoted to God and the people He places in our life. Sure, simple trust and joyous are a part of that, but those barely scratch the surface. Children are not simple followers. They are much, much more, and we would be wise to re-learn the skills that were once a part of our DNA.


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